Karen S Flynn
Body | Mindset | Living the Prime of Life
My Memorial Day
Just like clockwork, it happens every year.
We honor the fallen.
War and conflict between nations kill people — there’s no sugar coating it. And the fallen have families — wives, children, sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, and future generations — all with a perpetual empty seat at the table.
This weekend every year I honor and remember my biological father, Air Force Captain Gary Bitton.
I’ve been told my dad was liked by many, was a natural leader, and a phenomenal athlete. Booyah! He loved flying but more importantly loved his family. His face would light up when he talked about my mom or us kids. And he knew all the words to ‘Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Poked Dot Bikini.’ Yup.
When his plane was shot down in South Vietnam, he was the true hero until the very end. He made sure the crew was out before he left the controls.
Do me a favor. Find his name when you visit the massive black Vietnam memorial in DC, bow your head, and simply say ~ thank you. Then after you do that, stay in gratitude for all the blessings that have been bestowed on you.
Second favor is for you to hang your US flag in his honor. And you are welcome to do it more than this ‘holiday.’ Fly it, honor our fallen, and remember.
Why tell the story? Because it’s important to acknowledge that life is wrought with really crappy stuff sometimes. Yet ironically, it’s the crappy stuff that many times makes us stronger, more empathetic, humble, and true.
Instead of focusing on all the ‘things’ you don’t have, try focusing on all the relationships, people, and experiences you have had.
My wish for each of you is to dig down in your stories and tell them out loud. It’s through our stories that we understand and have more compassion for one another. In the end, that is really what life is about — compassion, love, and experiences.
When we share, we learn. When we learn, we are able to be better. When we’re better, we’re better together.
Perhaps it’s through loss and stories that I’ve learned to live more out loud and not shy away from asking questions, being curious, exploring more change and newness with the potential of a failed attempt or odd look. What I know for sure is nothing would be nearly as bad as this so why the heck not?
Today for the first time ever I attended the memorial service held at the national cemetery where my dad rests. How comforting to know that people cared enough to show up to honor and show appreciation for the ones that didn’t make it out alive. #memorialday
Being Memorable
Regardless of influence, status, title or years in life, we all know people who when we first meet them or are in their presence, we feel this energy – something you really can’t describe in words – but a knowing that there is something about them that you just want more of. A drawing in.
Here are a few traits I’ve found common in these individuals:
Confidence
These people typically exude an extremely high confidence factor. They hold their bodies with their shoulders back, their head held high, a positive look on their face, and will look you in the eye, say hello, and be open to what life has to offer.
These are people who admit when they messed up, are people who are humble, are definitely not ‘know-it-alls’ but add value to a conversation, and who answer questions with a sense of assuredness in their delivery. It’s not an arrogance, but a knowing of themselves from the inside out.
Confidence, really, is the new sexy.
Engaged in Life
To be memorable, you need to be interested and engaged in life. Being interested in life will make you interesting. Being interesting, having curiosity, asking questions, learning new things, will spark energy, conversation, and knowing which will draw others to you.
And for the life of Pete, can we stop labeling ourselves. Labels are so last year. Truly. If you are a person that is engaged in this thing called life, you are certainly more than ‘a mom’ ‘a student’ ‘a nurse.’ If all you did was describe yourself by a label, you are really undermining your worth as a human being.
Ask yourself, ‘If I removed the labels in my life, who exactly am I? What feeds my soul and life?”
That’s who you are. You are spirit, you are an inner being and that’s what should drive your daily habits, behavior, and actions. That is what the people above all have. And being multi-dimensional drives the interesting needle up the curve.
Generosity
When you are generous, you are a person that radiates energy. But this isn’t just monetarily, although that is certainly wonderful. I’m speaking about ideas, time, and positive emotions (by the way emotions are energy in motion – e=energy + motion). By delivering those repeatedly every day, people want to be part of that. Generous people are the first to help, serve, mentor, and give. Giving generously of your ideas, time, and positive emotions is like the most perfect juicy summer peach, and people will remember you.
Maya Angelou said it best:
People will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
The next time you meet someone with that energetic force, evaluate. Are they confident, interesting, and generous?
Tactics to Deal with Pain
Robin Sharma says that “Crisis comes to serve the person so they may use it as fuel to their advantage.”
He further states that we can either let pain cover us in victimhood or we can use the darkness of pain as a way to grow and be wiser.
I choose growth and getting wiser.
Robin claims that when crisis hits, and it will, it’s there to teach us a big lesson. We are meant to listen, learn, and use the learning as a foundation to elevate our life even greater.
Have you ever had a moment of woah? huh? WTH? confused?
If so, I’ve rode that same bus. I get you. It’s heavy, it’s painful, it feels unbearable.
And the natural tendency is to quickly put on the victimhood hat and wallow on your bathroom floor with a pint of your favorite ice cream. Good solution? Maybe short-term, but clearly not one to result in wisdom or growth.
During this week, I was met with a sudden crisis. After the initial shock and the dark clouds of this faded, I realized I was going to rise above the smallness of the situation and maniacally focus on being greater than the decision of someone else’s scarcity. For what I put out in the world is huge, it’s valuable to others, and boy do I have a lot of good in my life to be grateful for. On the other side of this crap was hope, love, kindness, trust, knowing, worthiness, believe, abundance, gratitude.
Dark clouds are temporary. And on the other side of those dark clouds is usually bright shining, warm sun. Light. Radiant and beautiful.
As Robin Sharma shares, “Gratitude is the antidote to pain.”
So here I sit so grateful. Not just of this lesson but for what is on the other side of that door.
Robin Sharma has come up with some tactics to ease pain. He calls these insights the 5 ‘ings’ of overcoming pain.
- Journaling. Allows us to process through the pain. Write out confusion, hurt, misunderstanding, blessings, talents, what’s good in life.
- Talking. Find a trusted advisor, great friend and talk it out. Open yourself up and take off the social mask. If not, you repress creativity and you block emotions that can lead to disease down the road. The reason there is so much anger in the world and toxicity out there – even in our workplaces – is because people have so much pent up pain they never let out.
- Communing. Nature walks, flowers in your house, etc. Be gentle with yourself. Get one with nature. Breathe. By doing so, you gain perspective and are better able to truly think. This allows us to not see the bars of the prison cell but the stars of the universe. I love that. And really, will this crisis you are in now really matter 2 years from now?
- Moving. Get off the couch and move. Get to the gym. Go for a run. Ride your bike. Do yoga. Science tells us that movement changes our neurobiology, releases dopamine, and makes us feel better.
- Resting. Our world says, move, learn, achieve, produce, and produce fast. But there are seasons to life. And if you are in pain sometimes you have to slow down to speed up. Use the time to read great books, think, produce new insights, new ideas, new energies. This allows us to move from fear to love.
So if you are facing a difficult time in your life, I’m so sorry. Unfortunately, this life we lead has pain in it. It sucks sometimes. Life isn’t fair. But know that you, YOU, have the ability to react how YOU want to react. YOU have the integrity to face the situation head on and be a leader in your thoughts and actions. YOU are enough.
Story maker art is born
We’re all creative. Creating is instinctual for children. Children pick up pots and pans and quickly discover the unique sounds that are made through the use of their hands or utensils such as a spoon or lid. Curious and fearless. They push their little fingers through the gooeyness of acrylic paint to create something of their own.
And as these children age, something happens to their creativity. It either is encouraged by a seemingly artistic ‘talent’ or discouraged because their ‘art’ isn’t conformist or someone pursed their lips in such a way to let them know they weren’t living up to an expectation. Perhaps that led to a path of channeling their energy into other areas which masked the magic of creating and what it does for the soul.
One day they wake up as an adult and – boom – have no idea what it means to live a creative life.
Mixed Media Original by K Flynn, 2014
As a child, teen and adult, I was around creativity and encouraged it with my own children. My grandmother, mother, father, uncle, cousins were/are so very talented — quilting, painting, knitting, sewing, cooking, car assembly, bus troubleshooting and repair, bamboo fly rod making, making dry flies, creating music.
Personally, to live a creative life means to look at the world in a non-conventional way. Having a hunger for expression.
Expression to me equates to curiosity. Curiosity equates to fresh ways to life live. New and fresh ways to life live equates to pureness of knowing you. Knowing you equates to being truly happy.
So if the end game to this life is to live it happy, we must create.
Mixed Media Original K Flynn, 2014
That is where story maker art was born.
During my transformation a few years ago, I was told that making a ‘vision’ board was a good thing to have. So I did it. But I didn’t do it like everyone else, I made it my own.
During that process, I explored using other techniques and just, well, dabbled (samples seen here in this post). I journeyed on my own with no instruction book or mentor. Just me, my thoughts, and my creativity — my happy.
This past weekend, I came together with a room of 300 awesome women to explore more on the topic of finding that ‘happy’ and to crack open hearts a little more through story telling and connection. Then it hit me. Why not a visual representation of our story or story maker art?
I’ll be working with a few of the women from this retreat on their story pieces and hope to grow this as a way to not only express myself more but to also serve those of you who would like to have their own visual story as a marker for who they are and what they represent. Stay tuned! I can’t wait to see where this goes.
Keep your eyes open. Listen. Follow your curiosity. Ideas are constantly trying to get our attention. Let them know you’re available. ~ Elizabeth Gilbert
Turn your Desert into a Sea
Have you ever listened to a song and thought, ‘huh, that sounds like something I can relate to.’ Do you remember the song “A Horse with No Name?”
A Horse with No Name | America
I could sing this song word for word yet today was literally the first time I’ve really ‘heard’ the lyrics. As we open ourselves up to who we are, I’ve found this happens more and more.
“On the first part of the journey
I was looking at all the life
There were plants and birds and rocks and things
There was sand and hills and rings
The first thing I met was a fly with a buzz
And the sky with no clouds
The heat was hot and the ground was dry
But the air was full of sound”
[Sounds like the beginning of a transformation]
“I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert you can remember your name
‘Cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain”
[Then you are alone in your desert of change but it feels good because you know the other side will be better than where you began]
“After two days in the desert sun
My skin began to turn red
After three days in the desert fun
I was looking at a river bed
And the story it told of a river that flowed
Made me sad to think it was dead”
[The process of change causes you to seek new resources and feelings]
“After nine days I let the horse run free
‘Cause the desert had turned to sea
There were plants and birds and rocks and things
there was sand and hills and rings
The ocean is a desert with it’s life underground
And a perfect disguise above
Under the cities lies a heart made of ground
But the humans will give no love
You see I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert you can remember your name
‘Cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain”
[However long it takes – nine days or nine years – it doesn’t matter. Your desert can morph into new beginnings if you allow enough time to pass. Love the process. We each get to our happiness differently.]
2013 – 2015 brought to you by a change in mindset, dense nutritional protocol, and daily movement
My transformation isn’t over. I view my physical change as a direct result of the internal work and people I’ve associated with – my choices – in the last two years. I didn’t join a ‘program’ for 30 or 60 days and close the door although I did follow some new ways to health based on science.
I have dedicated the last few years to re-learning about mindset, learning about the new research in nutrition, and building what I lovingly call my ‘angel army’ of people who are there to cheer me on, pick me up when I need it the most, and genuinely care about my happiness and success.
As an athlete my entire life, I had the mental fortitude for success, but I needed a new army of supporters who believed in me. I also needed to be more open to alternative methods of nutrition that wasn’t part of my day to day.
To live a healthy lifestyle, you have to commit to a practice, a way of being. It’s not a quick thing. It’s gradual. And it’s so very satisfying to feel as though I am aging backwards.
And now I luckily get to offer what I’ve learned to others – consider me having a gift for you if you’d like to receive it.
I’m here when you’re ready to turn your desert to a sea. Paddle on friends.
Karen S Flynn 